Hope or Despair

Q U O T E

"If your brother or sister gets into a fight and you’re there, you better jump in and help them because if your sibling comes home beat up I’m gonna kick your ass. And you better win, too."

mummy told this to me, so i better take a good care of my brother and sister.

A pretty face does NOT mean a pretty heart

everything was sucks.. in study, in life plus the family problem.. i dont think i can handle it by myself. i wonder my mummy can kept all these secretly, without telling anyone. not even ayah. it must been hard for her. from the expression of her face, i known that something is going on here. she must been suffered. i really want to hug her but this HUG thing is not my way.. i mean we .. I dont practically hug her or ayah or my other sibling. we all not a hugger- person. not trained well since we were kid. so, as im in home, im trying to do something to be everything meaningful like, i told mummy that i want to jog. the next day, ayah asked me to accompany him jogged at Taman Tengku Anis. it was really nice.. riding a motorcycle with him, all old memories were coming back because he used to send me to school and he were like mat rempit.. sangat laju okay, i still remembered this.. another meaningful memories was, we all sembahyang jemaah together. mummy teach me how to sembahyang properly(which is she learn from 30 minit with Ustaz Don a.k.a boyfriend mummy). like always, Amalina is seating for SPM, she ask me to teach her add math. . i know that i used to be a bad sister. right now, i am trying to be a good sister. be someone that they can rely on, someone that they can ask anything, as a friend not an enemy. so, i need to study harder. master in it. O Allah, please make everything smooth as silk. please make my dream come true. please make my only Ayah fit as usual. please keep my family close. please keep all my friends close because i hate fighting. i know i made a lot of mistake, if only i can turn to the past, i will not fall us apart. unfortunately i cant, so i just pray and i wont let it happen again. not anymore. friends is important too. they are just my second family. i love them all. amin.. 

People get fake when shit gets real.

due to Deepavali and Awal Muharam, Miat is off for 1 week. i plan to stay in KL since Ada is coming here but mummy told me you balik kampung with my Aunt. what can i do, balik je la.. maybe its good for me too because i can settle down my thinggy.. i though i can rest for this week. as you can see these lecturers gave me a ton of assignment/quizzes.. im so dead!!

Never Know If You Never Try

life is tough and its been tougher and toughest on me. when i see people surrounding me,i mean like how easily their life goes day by day, or how lucky they are in anything, or why they are so good. im envy them, sometimes. i feel like the world is against me, since i dont have anything to be proud of. in TBBT season 6, Howard Wolowitz  said that he dont want to be just a plain Howard. he want be something that people proud of. at-least he had a trip to space. it same goes to me, i want my families and friends be proud of me due to my achievement. i dont want to be a regular girl. i want to be different ... in a good way! 

i've been thinking all day long about myself, my future and who i am for the next 10 years from now. i've decided, and im going to take a risk. pass or fail, its another subject. all i need is try harder and hardest. maybe its my turn now, who knew.. if i never try then i will never know, right? wish me luck, love. 

Dream a Little Dream of Me

dreams... everybody has them. some good some bad, some you wish you could forget. sometimes you realize you're outgrown them. sometimes you feel like they're finally coming true, and some of us just have nightmares. no matter what you dream, when morning comes, reality intrudes and the dream begins to slip away.